Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
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I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
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As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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