Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
