You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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