Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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