Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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