It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
