party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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