your parents love me but you hate me
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
