Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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