ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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