Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
