Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
