So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
