3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i think i have two assholes
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
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