i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
