People in love make me want to vomit
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
