I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
