So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
