You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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