don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
