i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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