I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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