Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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