Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
