You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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