I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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