it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
