I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize