Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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