Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
