I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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