Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
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whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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