party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
