Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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