so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
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SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
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I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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