i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
