um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
