ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
