I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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