honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
