You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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