you didnt know i had herpes?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
