i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
