I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
