Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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