I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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