My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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