I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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