can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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