Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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