lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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