Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
