I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
