i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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