Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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