he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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