So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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