I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Randomize
