I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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