she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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