If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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