She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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