i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Buhtt sex?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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