Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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