it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
