Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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