he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
